The Past & cynix's 'Chocolate Quest'

I haven't posted in decades, well, no not really. I'm hardly two decades old, but while I'd love to write inspiring or at least a tad bit original blog entry, my own laziness and the lack of inspiration has made me take the easy route.

Humiliating my dear DEAR cynix...
[no, it's not humiliating.. reallyyyy]
(I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND.... Twinzah xD)

So without further ado, I present to you cynix's 'Chocolate Quest', written by his 6th grade self...

The Chocolate Quest

This story is about three brave knights who were sent on a quest to get the king's crown and a scepter stolen by an evil witch, but who knows what could happen that stops them from getting the crown and the scepter back.
Cocoa Country is the only country in the world where everything is chocolate, the people are chocolate, the plants are chocolate, and even the jewelry are chocolate. For thousands of years, all the people in the Cocoa Country have lived peacefully, and happily in harmony. Jake Rum Black Forest is one of the bravest knights in the Cocoa Country. He had dark brown hair, brown eyes, made out of dark chocolate, strong, handsome, romantic, funny, and kind too. Jake's best friend is John Fredrick Chocolate Moose, he has blonde hair, blue eyes, and is white chocolate. Jake and John live in Tiramisu City. One day, the Evil Chocolate Witch, Poison, came to the king's throne and took his chocolate crown and chocolate scepter. The king sent Jake along with his best friend, John on a quest and said, "Jake, you are my most trusted knight, so I'm asking you to get my scepter and crown back from Poison," and
Jake and John were getting ready for their quest, "Are all of the things ready John?" he asked. "Of course, I packed three hot chocolate swords, to melt things that get in our way, some firebombs, some ice rays, in case we melt, and some money," replied John. The money in the Cocoa country was called Chops. A chop is equal to two US Dollars each.
Jake and John were ready to start their quest, they were first going to go to Hershey City, and try to find clues of where the Evil Vanilla Witch, Poison lives in. At the exit of Tiramisu City, there's a monster, and the monsters name is a Harritheragth, Harringtheragths are slimy giant trolls. They are fire breathing, they only have one eye, like a Cyclops, and they can fly like a bird. Jake had never encountered a Harritheragth before, because they are very hard to find. At first Jake and John tried to slice its head using their hot chocolate swords, but it just grew back again. The Harritheragth attacked them back using its flamethrower, and incidentally, John's head was melted a little bit because of the flamethrower. Jake quickly shot John with the ice ray so that he wouldn't melt into chocolate syrup. Even though John didn't melt, his head looked like a bird's head, and somehow the ice ray malfunctioned a bit. When Jake and John finally figured out that there's no way to defeat the monster so John took a magic turkey and threw it to the Harritheragth's head, and suddenly, the Harritheragth became a turkey.
After they defeated the Harritheragth, they left Tiramisu City and started their trip to Hershey City. When they arrived at the main gate of Hershey City, they found one of Poison's pets, the Gollampagle, the Gollampagle was some kind of worm, its gigantic and is as 50 meters long. The Gollampagle was vanilla, and it was very hard to defeat. The temperature inside its body is -300'C, so if Jake or John melted it, it would immediately freeze again. "What do we do Jake?" John asked. "Well, usually when I find a Gollampagle, I just make it eat a firebomb or get a firebomb inside it, then it will explode," Jake replied. John took his sword, cut the Gollampagle's tail open, and put a firebomb in it. They waited for a few minutes, and then suddenly the Gollampagle exploded. Since the Gollampagle is Vanilla, there was also a vanilla rain when the Gollampagle exploded.
In Hershey City, John and Jake met their friends, who were brother and sister, James and Jamie. James is quite strong, and smart, he used to be the most trusted kid in his family, James is made out of white chocolate, he has jet-black hair, and black eyes. Jamie is a very quiet and kind vanilla girl, her dark brown hair was braided, and she has bluish green eyes. Jamie was a priest in the chocolate moose temple, and James worked in the ice company. Jamie and James met Poison once, and they said that Poison told them that she had a candy house at Wonka City. James decided to join the quest and said, "Hey guys, I was thinking, maybe I could help out getting the scepter and the crown back from Poison, so, I think I should come" "Ok," Jake said. James brought some ice bombs, ice pills, and some freezer swords from the ice company. And so, Jake and John, with James coming along, set off for their trip to Wonka City.
The three of them walked for a few days to Wonka City. When they arrived at the front gate of Wonka City, a sorcerer with red hair and scarlet eyes came with a Paggle-taddle with him. A Paggle-taddles are huge chocolate chip dogs, usually they are as large as an average townhouse. Paggle-taddles are usually quite shy, but they're also quite dangerous. The sorcerer said, "Good afternoon gentlemen, my name is Hades Baroque Espalier, so, you three want to get to my master Poison huh? If you want to see her, you'll have to get past me and my Paggle-taddle, Bruce!" James once owned a Paggle-taddle, Kip, James said that the only way to calm a Paggle-taddle down is by flipping its nose or biting its ear. Jake tried to climb up Bruce's back, but the sorcerer shot some flames towards Jake. James and John both destroyed the flames using their ice rays to help avoid Jake from melting. Jake got shot by the flames a few times, but James always shot Jake with an ice ray on time when he melts. Jake managed to climb unto the Paggle-taddle's back, and then he bit Bruce's ear. At the moment Bruce's ear got bitten, Bruce immediately fainted. The sorcerer was so angry, and said in a very grumpy voice, "You haven't seen the last of Hades Baroque Espalier, I'll be back, I'll be back!"
When Jake, John, and James arrived at Wonka City, they went to Prince Franklin Ice-cream and Princess Ellis Ice-cream. James asked, " Your majesty, our king's scepter and crown was stolen by Poison, do you by any chance, know where poison lives?" Prince Franklin said, "I once met Poison, she said she lives in a lair in the dark forest, she tried to invite me there, but I thought it wasn't safe, so I just stayed her."
The dark forest was only a few kilometers away from Wonka City. When they arrived at the entrance to Poison's lair, they met the dark Vanilla Prince, Lucas Job Compharus who was Poison's son. Lucas had a really evil look, he has fiery, red eyes, as if there was a fire in his eyes, he wore a long black robe, and there was a snake on him, grasping him slowly, and the snake itself is Lucas. Lucas said in a creepy voice, "So, who are you three Want to see my mother, want to get the scepter back, want the crown? It's your choice, if you want to die, fight my pets, Campatholl, Diggourous, and Rumomonster, if you want to live, leave! Well, it's up to you!" Lucas was holding the scepter and the crown when he snapped his fingers and disappeared. The Rumomonster is the largest monster in the whole planet, it's as large as the empire state building itself. John already had four encounters with a Rumomonster before, he said that the temperature inside the monsters body is over 1000'C, and the only way to defeat it is to freeze it. John said that he usually freezes the Rumomonster from its eye, but this time it won't work, because this Rumomonster's eye is steel. Jake thought about it and found out that there was only one way to freeze the Rumomonster. Jake took a freeze pill, and then he went inside the monster's body through its nostrils. He went into the monster's brain, then stabbed it with his freezer sword. He immediately got out of the monster's body and the Rumomonster died.
Jake once owned a Diggorous, a Diggorous is a blue dragon that likes to dig, it's not fire breathing, instead it's ice breathing. The Diggorous is the easiest monster to defeat, you just simply melt the whole entire monster's body. Jake, John, and James took their melting swords and threw it on three spots, the Diggorous' head, it's belly, and it's feet. The Diggosaurus then split into two parts, then the inside of it's body came out. Jake, John, and James were surprised to know that the inside of a Diggorous is only ice.
When the Campatholl saw that his two fellow friends died, it cried and went to Poison. Jake, John, and James walk through and finally found Poison's throne, when they saw Poison they collapsed, they found out that Poison was John, she had the exact same face, then she snapped her fingers and she turned into Jake. Poison clapped her hands and turned into herself. Poison's face was ugly, it looked like a wolf's face, only her face is a human's face to, they just found out that Poison is a werewolf. The Dark Prince and the Campatholl accompanied poison, they all screamed and recited a mysterious sentence, it was in some kind of evil language, "Daal dool chocolate duul del dol". Nobody knew what it meant, but when they were reciting it, their eyes were completely white. After they recited this, they disappeared and left the scepter, the crown, and a note, "Please give the crown and the scepter to the king, love, your mother." Jake was confused, her mother just died a month ago, this mystery continues to live forever and ever in Cocoa country, nobody knew what happened, it continued to be a mystery forever. "Jake, John! You're back! Thank you so much for getting my scepter and crown back, thank you, I now bestow upon you, Jake Rum Black Forest, and John Fredrick Chocolate Moose, princes of Cocoa Country," the King made Jake and John princes of Cocoa Country, and so, Jake and John together with the whole Country, lived happily ever after.

*disclaimer, this is written by cynix. Vitriolic plays no part whatsover in this composition and is now hiding under a rock indefinitely for fear of her life.