From Monks to China, a relfection on my ever swinging cultural crisis

Monks versus the Myanmar Military Junta

A reflection of my ever swerving condemnation…

I hate China.

In a post relating to the monks versus the military Junta of Myanmar, you would probably not expect that I, a Chinese adolescent girl firstly condemn China.

Well I must assure you, I myself am not quite sure of where that hatred spawned from or how long it will last, but I implore you to stay with my jumbled train of thoughts.

It all started this afternoon, I had nothing to do and well, was somewhat leisurely skimming the New York Times (albeit the fact that I do have homework). Noting an article by SETH MYDANS (se article at http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/27/world/asia/27myanmar.html?em&ex=1191038400&en=44b7d786792f3376&ei=5087%0A)

I recalled some rather vague facts about the protests. My initial reaction was somewhat mild, I was amused. I, Stephanie Andini Tangkilisan was amused by this news.

Instead of being, ‘awwhh, that’s too bad, poor monks! Go monks!’ I was more like, ‘Hah! Those moronic junta’s can’t act brutally against those monks’, and started to think of circumstances and in a way was sort of naïve to think that the protesters being predominantly monks could stop a dictatorship eventually.

I was optimistic, I for once was optimistic, and my thoughts just drabbled away to my schoolwork and rested the thoughts based on my still slightly rose colored glasses, denying that I was just a vitriolic cynic.

Well, today, that glasses were even more smashed, even more trampled, but much more significant to the loss in my faith of humanity was the loss complete depravation of my faith in my own race, in my own supposed motherland, China.

“In response to the violence, the United Nations Security Council called an emergency meeting on Wednesday to discuss the crisis, but China blocked a Council resolution, backed by the United States and European nations, to condemn the government crackdown.” – Seth Mydans

I know, I know I haven’t done what proper methods there are to journalism, but from what I can comprehend, my China, the land from which about 90% of my heritage comes from are acting against monks, defending another dictatorial regime!

And with that paragraph, the hate fluttered and then, SOARED. I am ashamed of being Chinese, why in the name of all things wonderful would they block this resolution?

Why is the government, such a bloody (literally and not literally) religion-less and cold hearted nation?

Where were they when Chinese people living in Indonesia was massacred and purged in the anti-Communist purge of 1965 (which by the way had the death toll at a vague number of 500.000-1.000.000.

Where were they when the anti-Chinese riots of 1998 happened?

I heard, they even denied entry and denied asylum! It’s not like they are Singapore, their land could actually, I don’t know fit a lot of refugee’s! I don’t know, maybe, just maybe, they really don’t count as Chinese citizens, and even worse, maybe they don’t even care if we are Chinese and if we are dying.

What I wouldn’t pay to have a nation that respects my heritage, that respects the fact that I exist, and want to exist!

By now, I have strayed far away from the topic of Monks and Myanmar, I beg your apology, but at this present moment, I am simply GLAD that I am not 100% Chinese, despite the fact my friends have called me less than kind words of my other 10% Indonesian blood. (YES I AM STILL INDIGNANT OVER YOU RACIST INDIVIDUALS…)

Perhaps I am merely vengeful, perhaps, I’m simply odd.

But pray tell, when the nation I supposedly belong to simply alienates me, perhaps, I must say I’m glad to be Indonesian. (Yes, the Chinese were also harmed yet again in 1998, but I'm ignoring that at the present moment (I'm illogical that way))

Perhaps instead of the Great Land of China, the supposedly next Super Power of the World, I can be contented and proud with the fact that I am a citizen of Indonesia, who despite not being the best of nations, still grant me civil liberties, still give me the land, food and daily necessities that I all to often am less than thankful for.

So my most sincere (albeit unashamed) apologies if I do not share the same affinities towards China as you do. As most Chinese do?

Why should I?

Yes, I'm soar over certain recent events, yes, I'm acting completely illogical and as seen by this post, I've totally shredded every ounce of what was left of my reputation as a logical and reasonable person, I stand by my opinion of being less than loving of the government that China is now. (A particular purely scathing and ultimately EVIL communistic and (now capitalistic bastards).

You see, when my great grandfathers fled from China and into this Indonesian archipelago, they left their motherland but gained a new one, Indonesia, in which, my ancestors finally found the contentment we so desired.

So yes, when Chinese New Year rolls around, you can bet I will still say those endearing (and somewhat magical) four words, but I’ll promise to you now, those words are not a symbol of my respect or affinty with all that is Chinese, but merely my longing for those sweet red money filled envelopes.